Day 4: Rough

I woke up to the sun shining in through my window.

It only took me a split second to realize that something about this picture was not right.

SHOOT! I thought, bolting out of bed. WHAT TIME IS IT? I flipped open my phone. 7:00. AHHH!

I put on who-knows-what and was racing down my driveway 11 minutes later, then racing into Lincoln Elementary School 5 minutes late. Of course, Mr. P. didn't say anything. Nobody seemed to know that I had almost literally stepped from my bed into the classroom today...but I knew.

My head ached. My left eye twitched [it's been doing that since Saturday - anyone have ideas?]. My hair frizzed. My eyelids drooped. And my stomach growled. I hadn't had breakfast, and I didn't pack a lunch. It was a forced fast today.

And yet, I only briefly mentioned this to Mr. P. Nobody seemed to know that I felt like a failure today. Just me.

After school, I raced to church to do some work [another story in itself]. As soon as I got myself situated in the office, I just told it all to the Lord. I cried a little, but, just talking things through with Him made my frustrations seem so silly and the answer to them so simple. My main frustration was that I wasn't being real with Mr. P.

In all this internal chaos, I've been trying to appear calm, collected, and confident -- even though I'm in an altogether NEW situation! What pride! I see now that I must open myself up to Mr. P, and be vulnerable with him. I'm NOT a practiced teacher! I don't HAVE to stand like a teacher, sit like a teacher, speak like a teacher, smile only when he smiles, look stern when he does, -- or any of that! It's okay for me to look like a novice, because I am one!
So, tomorrow's another day. As for now, I'm going home...to eat.

P.S. Today, Mr. P. asked me if I wanted to teach a lesson on Friday. I said yes!  God, help me.