All the single ladies talk about...Marriage!

Most of us feel called to the vocation of marriage...but what is it exactly that I'm attracted to?

I have undergone so many distinct attitudes toward marriage that you wouldn't believe it. Or maybe you would!

In high school, I read Elisabeth Elliot's biography of Amy Carmichael, a missionary to Japan who never married. I was so inspired by Amy's devotion that I vowed to be like her -- not to be a missionary, OH, no! -- but to never marry. Jesus and Paul's words and examples seemed to support my decision. 

Paul:

To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:8, 9 ESV)

Jesus:

Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.” (Matthew 19:12 ESV)

Perhaps you can understand, then, why I was offended the year after high school, while attending a church that was new for me, when one of the leaders made this comment, "Most of you will be married one day." 

'Why?' I thought. Why this expectation for us to marry? Why all this emphasis on the holiness of marriage, when Jesus Himself, the Holiest of Holies, never married?

But there are two ways to look at Jesus, aren't there? He was both fully man and fully God. As man, he never married. As God, He is betrothed.

That same year, I learned a whole new side of God, and of myself. The heart of a mother awakened within me. I know you can have spiritual sons and daughters, but I truly believed I would have sons and daughters of the flesh.

The next thought naturally followed: "If I want to be a mom, I have to first be a wife." That was what "turned me on" to marriage. 

Over the 6 years since that heart change, marriage has held several other attractions for me - some most definitely false! (Like when I think that everything will just be BETTER once I'm married!)

As things stand right now, I'm just excited to be a part of a forever, covenental partnership - where we can share a vision, consult each other on important decisions, see the best in each other while speaking the truth in love, seek God together, minister together, raise children together, go deeper together.

It's what we all want, isn't it? Whether from a husband or from our closest friends and family, we long for togetherness. 

But, until marriage knocks on this girl's door, my plan is to live out my calling anyway. Be a daughter to my parents. Be a mother to my students. Be a mentor to the teenage girls at my church. Form covenental relationships with close friends and family. Seek God with them. I can't just sit around and wait until marriage to do these things. My calling is for now!

So this is a truth that I am constantly being reminded of and working out. When Loneliness comes knocking at my door, her sister Longing tagging behind with their cousin Discontent, God is always so faithful to intervene. 

"No," He says. "She's mine! And I am all she needs."

So, cheers, ladies! Whether we marry soon, later, or never, until then and forever, He is all we need!

Linking up with Jen at Jumping in Puddles

My Favorite No

Teachers are always looking for ways to turn a mistake into a learning opportunity.

And this is not just teachers of school stuff. It's teachers of life stuff, too. (Duh!)

My colleague has recently shared something with me that I tried for the first time today, and that I feel I'm going to LOVE.

It's called "My Favorite No."

So here's how it works (in 5 super simple steps):

1. Give the students some sort of quick exercise (I'm using this with exit tickets, but the teacher in the video I'll post uses it with the opposite - warm-up activities).
2. Either right in front of the kids, or while they are working on something else, quickly separate the student work into 2 piles: a "Yes, they got it!" pile, and a "No" pile.
3. Pick your favorite "no" - the answer should be wrong, but it should also show some good work, and/or a really common mistake.
4. Either copy the student work onto a blank sheet in front of the class, or put the original work under the document camera, with the student's name covered.
5. Have the class help you analyze the work, identifying both the good work and the mistake.

And there you have it!

With a class mix of perfectionists, embarraseds, deniers, and cluelesses, this daily or almost-daily activity has the potential to remove those insecurities, remind kids that everyone makes mistakes just like theirs, and teach us that we can learn something from every mistake.

Life application:

For those non-teachers of school out there, for you teachers and students of life, how can this apply to you, to us?

It's simple: We remember that our mistakes are not the only "no"s out there. Our mistake is in a pile of so many others of similar variety. And, who knows? Maybe we're God's favorite "no." Let Him pick us up, search us, tell us why He loves us so much, and then tell us what He's going to do to make us right.

Not Alone Series: Selfish Singles

How do you combat being selfish with your time? As a single person, it's easy to get caught up in our own little independent world. There are those moments when we are needed for extra church things, hanging with our friend's kids, getting caught up with something on the one night you could stay in, etc. where we get frustrated that the needs of others are taking away from our own time. How do you avoid this selfish tendency and what do you do to avoid becoming frustrated with "sharing" you time with others?

Wow, selfishness. What a good topic!

I think that many of us, as singles, would argue, "Selfish? What do you mean? I'm not committed to anyone. Isn't that like the ONLY good part of being single - that I can do whatever I want to with my free time?"

But the exact opposite is true. 

If I choose to live life for Jesus, my life is not my own. And my time is definitely not my own.

But -- you, who wrote the prompt for this week -- you're right! My natural inclination is toward selfishness. Man left to himself lives for himself. (Doesn't that sound deep? I'm not even sure if it's theologically sound, but it sounded good.)

And, actually, I didn't realize how selfish I've been until my mom called me on it. (I still live with my parents). "It just seems like you spend all your energy on work," she said, "and then, when you get home, all you want to do is relax."

I'm sure my first thought was -- ummmm... yeah. Your point? -- which is HORRIBLE, but I truly DID see home as the place to veg.

But I haven't always! There was a time when I took my job as a daughter seriously, when I sought ways to bless my parents. 

Somehow, though...somewhere, my perspective started to change. Outside responsibilities stacked high on my shoulders, one atop the other... Church youth group, church bookkeeper, and the all-consuming career of a teacher. I tricked myself into believing that work was confined to the elementary school and the church office, and that all other time was MINE. 

What about the work of a daughter and sister?

What about the work of a friend?

In living "my destiny," I was doing good work while failing to do the most important work -- relationships.

So, this year I have taken some steps to, as previously stated, "combat" selfishness with my time. Most of them are outlined in my Goals for 2014 post, as well:

1. No TV by myself. 

What that means is exactly that. No YouTube, no TV, and no movies alone. This was a pretty extreme decision for me, but I knew God had put it on my heart, so I went for it GLADLY. I don't know how much of a Doctor Who, Sherlock, Or Jane Austen fan you are, but I love those stinking time-sucking-shows-slash-movies-that-are-available-for-free-online! Well, I was allowing them to suck time away from family and other things. I still watch them, but now it's much less frequent, and, when I do, it's usually with my mom. 

What has happened as a result of this decision is that I am spending more time with my family instead of veging. And, when I watch something, it's with one of them, so it becomes a shared experience and even a relationship-builder.

2. Schedule in time for family

A teacher's job is not one that is EVER done. So I had to be intentional about scheduling time for the MOST important part of life - family.

The first step to this was setting a work curfew that ensures I never get home so late that I don't have a couple of hours to chat with my parents before bed. My first year teaching, I really needed that curfew. Now, I've learned efficiency strategies for work, so I'm often home at a reasonable hour.

Also, I cook dinner Tuesdays and Saturdays, do the grocery shopping once a month, and TRY to keep Sundays free to just hang with my fam. :)

3. Schedule in time for friends

Since my local friends are kind of all over the place (some from church, some from high school, some from college, some from work), I did something I've been wanting to do for at least a year-- I started a book club! Right now it's just me and a couple of friends, meeting at a local bakery once a week, reading a book a month, and enjoying each other's company...but I love it! Through this group, we're even planning a community service project that was inspired by one of the books we read. 

Plus, it gets me dressed and out of the house early on Saturday morning, and -- seriously, NOTHING up til now has been able to do that! 

So there you have it! Those are a few things I have set in place for myself this year in an effort to live a life of relationship and service, instead of a life of self. 

Before I go, I'd like to leave you with a thought that has kept me joyful when I'm forcing myself to drive to yet ANOTHER church event when I'd rather just go home: THIS is life. This is the adventure of living with Jesus! I'm walking where He walked, following His lead, so it's BOUND to be some ride! 

God bless you, ladies!

Linking up with Morgan

Not Alone Series: Do's and Don'ts of Dating

Alright, I'm in!

My friend Bek has been participating in this link-up thingamajig, hosted by Morgan and Jen  (Nice to meet you, ladies! I SO don't even know how these things work! Help!) And now, let's say she won me over.

I'll do my best to post every Tuesday-ish, but -- mind you, it may be my only post every week...at least until summer. :)

Anyway, without further ado, today's topic for single ladies:

What are those things that we should be doing, and the things that we shouldn't be doing? They can be from the physical parts (clothes to wear, places to go, things to say) or emotional parts (talking about it all the time, planning the future, etc). We can all learn something in hindsight, so what are your tips to share?

I'm going to take this question in a slightly different direction, because, here's the deal: I've never dated. (And now you're like, 'No wonder she's still single!' and I'm like, 'Yeah, probly.')

So, without going into all the why's and WHAT?!s of that statement, I would like to comment on do's and don'ts of relating with the opposite sex. It's something I'm pretty passionate about.

DON'T

- Flirt 

- Wear provocative clothing

- Give your thoughts free reign

- Talk about personal things

DO

- Ask genuine questions

- Dress to bless

- Take your thoughts captive

- Keep your conversation topics to things your husband wouldn't mind you discussing with his guy friend

Here's my reasoning: I've done some of those don'ts. I've also been on the receiving end of them. Never, ever has it produced anything remotely resembling a Godly relationship.

I've also done some of those do's, and been on the receiving end of them. What a difference! It is such a BLESSING to be in a relationship where Christ is the center, and it really is not about you or me, but Christ in you and Christ in me. Where we can ask and answer genuine questions, protect each other by the way we dress, and choose not to be overly familiar or "friendly," but, rather, respectful and honoring of one another.

Isn't that how Jesus is?

Thanks for letting me join you, ladies!