Not Alone Series: Selfish Singles

How do you combat being selfish with your time? As a single person, it's easy to get caught up in our own little independent world. There are those moments when we are needed for extra church things, hanging with our friend's kids, getting caught up with something on the one night you could stay in, etc. where we get frustrated that the needs of others are taking away from our own time. How do you avoid this selfish tendency and what do you do to avoid becoming frustrated with "sharing" you time with others?

Wow, selfishness. What a good topic!

I think that many of us, as singles, would argue, "Selfish? What do you mean? I'm not committed to anyone. Isn't that like the ONLY good part of being single - that I can do whatever I want to with my free time?"

But the exact opposite is true. 

If I choose to live life for Jesus, my life is not my own. And my time is definitely not my own.

But -- you, who wrote the prompt for this week -- you're right! My natural inclination is toward selfishness. Man left to himself lives for himself. (Doesn't that sound deep? I'm not even sure if it's theologically sound, but it sounded good.)

And, actually, I didn't realize how selfish I've been until my mom called me on it. (I still live with my parents). "It just seems like you spend all your energy on work," she said, "and then, when you get home, all you want to do is relax."

I'm sure my first thought was -- ummmm... yeah. Your point? -- which is HORRIBLE, but I truly DID see home as the place to veg.

But I haven't always! There was a time when I took my job as a daughter seriously, when I sought ways to bless my parents. 

Somehow, though...somewhere, my perspective started to change. Outside responsibilities stacked high on my shoulders, one atop the other... Church youth group, church bookkeeper, and the all-consuming career of a teacher. I tricked myself into believing that work was confined to the elementary school and the church office, and that all other time was MINE. 

What about the work of a daughter and sister?

What about the work of a friend?

In living "my destiny," I was doing good work while failing to do the most important work -- relationships.

So, this year I have taken some steps to, as previously stated, "combat" selfishness with my time. Most of them are outlined in my Goals for 2014 post, as well:

1. No TV by myself. 

What that means is exactly that. No YouTube, no TV, and no movies alone. This was a pretty extreme decision for me, but I knew God had put it on my heart, so I went for it GLADLY. I don't know how much of a Doctor Who, Sherlock, Or Jane Austen fan you are, but I love those stinking time-sucking-shows-slash-movies-that-are-available-for-free-online! Well, I was allowing them to suck time away from family and other things. I still watch them, but now it's much less frequent, and, when I do, it's usually with my mom. 

What has happened as a result of this decision is that I am spending more time with my family instead of veging. And, when I watch something, it's with one of them, so it becomes a shared experience and even a relationship-builder.

2. Schedule in time for family

A teacher's job is not one that is EVER done. So I had to be intentional about scheduling time for the MOST important part of life - family.

The first step to this was setting a work curfew that ensures I never get home so late that I don't have a couple of hours to chat with my parents before bed. My first year teaching, I really needed that curfew. Now, I've learned efficiency strategies for work, so I'm often home at a reasonable hour.

Also, I cook dinner Tuesdays and Saturdays, do the grocery shopping once a month, and TRY to keep Sundays free to just hang with my fam. :)

3. Schedule in time for friends

Since my local friends are kind of all over the place (some from church, some from high school, some from college, some from work), I did something I've been wanting to do for at least a year-- I started a book club! Right now it's just me and a couple of friends, meeting at a local bakery once a week, reading a book a month, and enjoying each other's company...but I love it! Through this group, we're even planning a community service project that was inspired by one of the books we read. 

Plus, it gets me dressed and out of the house early on Saturday morning, and -- seriously, NOTHING up til now has been able to do that! 

So there you have it! Those are a few things I have set in place for myself this year in an effort to live a life of relationship and service, instead of a life of self. 

Before I go, I'd like to leave you with a thought that has kept me joyful when I'm forcing myself to drive to yet ANOTHER church event when I'd rather just go home: THIS is life. This is the adventure of living with Jesus! I'm walking where He walked, following His lead, so it's BOUND to be some ride! 

God bless you, ladies!

Linking up with Morgan