from The Desert is my Mother

I say teach me.
She blooms in the sun's glare,
     the snow's silence
     the driest sand.

Le digo, ensename.
Y florece en el brillo del sol,
     en el silencio de la nieve,
     en las arenas mas secas.

I read this page and teared up. It's amazingly similar to a verse in Isaiah that has become one of my life verses.

The desert and the parched land will be glad;

the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.

Like the rose, it will burst into bloom;

it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy.

Isaiah 35:1-2

What a picture of beauty -- a desert flower. And the best thing is that it's not at all just a poetic idea; rather, it's a very real treasure God gives us, and, as such, a picture of His character and His way. Darkness is as light to Him. Barrenness is as bounty. Desert is as blossom.

Baby blankets

It's like electronics have become our baby blankets.

Everybody has his own private world of conversations and amusements tucked into his pocket and accessible to him whenever he begins to sense an uncomfortable situation.

It makes me think of that Snickers [is it Snickers?] commercial -- need a moment? Grab your cell phone.

And it's sad.

In a beautiful world where sun shines and rain falls, where people need people, potential friends walk past each other without so much as an acknowledgement of the other's presence, both fidgeting with their modern-day baby blankets.

Our generation has become a socially maimed one.

There is so much to see -- the silhouette of the dark mountains against the heavens clear and far-reaching.

There is so much to discover about people.

People are precious.

Poop stick

Oliver [aka my favorite 5-year-old, the little "tremendo" (troublemaker), and my second-cousin] was absent from the house for awhile when he and Mom got home today.

I soon found out why. And almost wished I hadn't.

As Oliver flung open the front door, a long tree limb preceeded him. He was holding it in front of him, and it arched up before pointing down.

"Guys, guys!" he says. "I went far, FAR away, and I got my POOP stick!" Then, he started telling us all about how he uses the stick to help him find poop on the ground. YUCK! Meanwhile, he's flinging this feces-contaminated tree limb all over. 

When he pointed to one end of the stick and told Dad, "See! That's poop!", indicating a little brown thing dangling from the end, it was all I could do not to yelp or shrink away from him. But I did control myself, because, if I didn't that, then he would probably take pleasure in grossing me out even more with his poop stick, if you know what I mean.

Thankfully, eventually his attention was diverted by a ping-pong paddle and ball, and the poop stick went back outside.

Haha! As much as it grossed me out, I thought it made for a funny story.

Back to School

Yesterday said hello to fall quarter once more, my last fall quarter ever! And, though I had an aching head and a couple of near-coughing attacks [that was when I gladly took a break from class and ran to re-fill my water bottle], it was fun to be back with my classmates. And it was great to meet some new [albeit quirky] professors.

This is most of the cohort, minus a few absentees.

One of my goals is to get an updated class photo this quarter, with EVERYBODY in it.

Think I can do it?

Books, jalapenos, and relationships

I was sick today, with not much to do at home. I think I checked my email nearly 100 times and thought about blogging nearly as many times --- but, what's there to blog about when you're lazy and grumpy?

So I made lunch and then read.

And I ran an errand for my dad, and then read.

And I helped Oliver with his homework [reading], and was so tired of reading by then that I tried to take a nap. [Have you ever tried taking a nap with a five-year-old on the loose?]

Finally, at around 7:00 PM, when I realized a nap was not going to happen and how yucky and lazy I was being, I decided that, sore throat or no, headache or no, groggy or no, I needed to be a willing help to my parents.

So, after my Daniel fast dinner:

I helped my parents can some jalapenos.

I wish I could have helped more, but I'm truly a novice at this, so mostly I just watched, took pictures, and followed occasional orders from my dad.

And, you know what? After helping my parents, my headache has lessened, my throat is less sore, and I am less groggy.

So it seems today has been another lesson in relationships. God has created us to be revived when we fellowship with, or work alongside other people, and NOT when we seek to further our own selfish interests.

Day Last: Goodbyes

My pre-autumn field experience ended today with hugs, cards, roses, cupcakes, and extra recess for all! 

Here's to the best three weeks of my college education.

Can I come back...please?

Beauty

Day ???: On the up and up

I took my purse to school today...

...and emptied the contents of it in front of Mr. P's 4th grade class!

I set up the scenario that I was going to the movies tonight, and that I didn't want to take my purse with me, to avoid leaving it behind by accident. SO, I wanted them to help me determine what was most important for me to take to the movies with me.

It actually went so much smoother than my last lesson, which, as you may remember, kind of flopped. Part of the reason was probably because I had a notes up there with me, per Mr. P's advice.

I did need to reference the notes [very stealthily, while I had students sharing their ideas with each other], and that way I was able to stay on track. I am much more encouraged after this lesson that, indeed, teaching is for me. I just need lots more practice.

Tomorrow, Mr. P. will be gone all day, for a meeting. It will be Mr. M [a substitute] and me. I'm excited to be able to help Mr. M. familiarize himself with the class and the way we do things.

Goodbye, Tuesday. Hello, Wednesday!

[The week's halfway through, guys! -- good or bad, depending on your perspective.]

Warmed my heart

At the end of the day, a very shy student, who I had colored with during the afternoon recess, bashfully handed me this.

Cover:

Inside:

And Mr. P. got one that said, "Mr. P, you're the best teacher with Mrss Avila."

:) Although teachers are very likely used to getting drawings and cards from their students, I believe that their hearts still warm up every time, like mine did. I want to give her something back, but what?

In the midst of all of this...

Little Oliver has had both a long-needed haircut and his first [and second] day of school!

And, he still seems excited to go to school, even after finding out that there's more to kindergarten than just recess!

I've also been hired on for several part-time jobs this fall -- Two middle-school tutoring positions, one after-school magazine class instructor, and one holiday store transition worker. Thank You, Lord, for providing in abundance!

Where did we leave off?

Sorry to end on such a disappointing note.

The day after my "rough day," I had the best day.

And, now, I'm eager for the weekend to give way to Monday again. How often in our lives can we say that?

Today, I taught a lesson for the first time, about making connections while reading. I found that, while I thought I had the lesson organized in my head, it wasn't nearly organized enough! Mr. P. makes teaching look so easy that I thought I could get by without any notes! Boy, was I wrong!

The good thing is, as Mr. P. said, "Well, the whole point was to get them to make connections, right? And they did that." If that is the measure of success, then I would have to concede and say that the lesson was indeed successful. The students made connections to "Ira Sleeps Over." But the lesson sure took a few detours and bumpy roads, let me tell you!

In the future, I'll use notes until I'm good enough to make teaching look easy, like Mr. P.

Day 4: Rough

I woke up to the sun shining in through my window.

It only took me a split second to realize that something about this picture was not right.

SHOOT! I thought, bolting out of bed. WHAT TIME IS IT? I flipped open my phone. 7:00. AHHH!

I put on who-knows-what and was racing down my driveway 11 minutes later, then racing into Lincoln Elementary School 5 minutes late. Of course, Mr. P. didn't say anything. Nobody seemed to know that I had almost literally stepped from my bed into the classroom today...but I knew.

My head ached. My left eye twitched [it's been doing that since Saturday - anyone have ideas?]. My hair frizzed. My eyelids drooped. And my stomach growled. I hadn't had breakfast, and I didn't pack a lunch. It was a forced fast today.

And yet, I only briefly mentioned this to Mr. P. Nobody seemed to know that I felt like a failure today. Just me.

After school, I raced to church to do some work [another story in itself]. As soon as I got myself situated in the office, I just told it all to the Lord. I cried a little, but, just talking things through with Him made my frustrations seem so silly and the answer to them so simple. My main frustration was that I wasn't being real with Mr. P.

In all this internal chaos, I've been trying to appear calm, collected, and confident -- even though I'm in an altogether NEW situation! What pride! I see now that I must open myself up to Mr. P, and be vulnerable with him. I'm NOT a practiced teacher! I don't HAVE to stand like a teacher, sit like a teacher, speak like a teacher, smile only when he smiles, look stern when he does, -- or any of that! It's okay for me to look like a novice, because I am one!
So, tomorrow's another day. As for now, I'm going home...to eat.

P.S. Today, Mr. P. asked me if I wanted to teach a lesson on Friday. I said yes!  God, help me.

Day 3: Longing

I got through the day, and it was a good day.

But I want MORE! I want to go DEEP with these kids, though they are just kids. I want to sow into them. I want to impart passion and see them grow.

But, I must remember that they are not MINE. They are not even Mr. P's. They are not even their parents'. They are God's children, entrusted by God to their parents, and entrusted by their parents to Mr. P...and me...kind of.

The longing goes in a different direction, too. The hunger to teach is growing! Yay! This first year of teacher training that I have gone through, I can't say that I have worried, but I have wondered -- God, when will You awaken in me a passion for teaching? I KNOW teaching is my calling. I've known this for some time. It was this certainty only that led me to pursue the calling, without passion. But now the passion is being awakened. I want to TEACH! I don't want to just walk around the class and answer questions and collect papers and laminate name tags! I want to teach!

And -- I long to be myself. I am finding [although I assumed as much from the start] that Mr. P. and I have differing ideas on some things. While he shares his ideas, I just smile and nod. Smile and nod. But, inside, I have questions for him, to test his ideas or challenge them. I will work on expressing myself genuinely, instead of trying to remain agreeable. I will ask God to help me be who He has called ME to be in that classroom, instead of trying to imitate Mr. P's easy-goingness.

So, one week down, two more to go, and this is where I'm at.

More on this topic later, following a three-day weekend!

Day 2: Falling in Love

We had a cryer today -- poor thing! She was worried about her little brother, a first-day kindergartener. And the worry manifested itself in heart-wrenching tears! AH! I comforted her as much as I could and then gratefully left her in Mr. P's hands. After seven years of teaching or so, he must have more experience with this stuff than I do!

This whole incident took me back, though, to when I was a junior in high school. I was a teacher's aid for a 2nd grade class. While the little runts were coming in from recess and I sat correcting papers, one little girl walked -- crying -- up to Mrs. D, the teacher, saying that she missed her mom. Her pretty little face was all scrunched up and wet with tears as Mrs. D took her into her arms, sat down, and rocked her back and forth, back and forth.

I watched the exchange with a sense of surprise and some discomfort. But it touched a part of my heart very deeply, maybe that mothering part. I believe that was one incident that God used to draw me to teaching, and I haven't forgotten it.

All that to say -- I'm helplessly falling in love with these students. God, help me!