Not Alone Series: Selfish Singles

How do you combat being selfish with your time? As a single person, it's easy to get caught up in our own little independent world. There are those moments when we are needed for extra church things, hanging with our friend's kids, getting caught up with something on the one night you could stay in, etc. where we get frustrated that the needs of others are taking away from our own time. How do you avoid this selfish tendency and what do you do to avoid becoming frustrated with "sharing" you time with others?

Wow, selfishness. What a good topic!

I think that many of us, as singles, would argue, "Selfish? What do you mean? I'm not committed to anyone. Isn't that like the ONLY good part of being single - that I can do whatever I want to with my free time?"

But the exact opposite is true. 

If I choose to live life for Jesus, my life is not my own. And my time is definitely not my own.

But -- you, who wrote the prompt for this week -- you're right! My natural inclination is toward selfishness. Man left to himself lives for himself. (Doesn't that sound deep? I'm not even sure if it's theologically sound, but it sounded good.)

And, actually, I didn't realize how selfish I've been until my mom called me on it. (I still live with my parents). "It just seems like you spend all your energy on work," she said, "and then, when you get home, all you want to do is relax."

I'm sure my first thought was -- ummmm... yeah. Your point? -- which is HORRIBLE, but I truly DID see home as the place to veg.

But I haven't always! There was a time when I took my job as a daughter seriously, when I sought ways to bless my parents. 

Somehow, though...somewhere, my perspective started to change. Outside responsibilities stacked high on my shoulders, one atop the other... Church youth group, church bookkeeper, and the all-consuming career of a teacher. I tricked myself into believing that work was confined to the elementary school and the church office, and that all other time was MINE. 

What about the work of a daughter and sister?

What about the work of a friend?

In living "my destiny," I was doing good work while failing to do the most important work -- relationships.

So, this year I have taken some steps to, as previously stated, "combat" selfishness with my time. Most of them are outlined in my Goals for 2014 post, as well:

1. No TV by myself. 

What that means is exactly that. No YouTube, no TV, and no movies alone. This was a pretty extreme decision for me, but I knew God had put it on my heart, so I went for it GLADLY. I don't know how much of a Doctor Who, Sherlock, Or Jane Austen fan you are, but I love those stinking time-sucking-shows-slash-movies-that-are-available-for-free-online! Well, I was allowing them to suck time away from family and other things. I still watch them, but now it's much less frequent, and, when I do, it's usually with my mom. 

What has happened as a result of this decision is that I am spending more time with my family instead of veging. And, when I watch something, it's with one of them, so it becomes a shared experience and even a relationship-builder.

2. Schedule in time for family

A teacher's job is not one that is EVER done. So I had to be intentional about scheduling time for the MOST important part of life - family.

The first step to this was setting a work curfew that ensures I never get home so late that I don't have a couple of hours to chat with my parents before bed. My first year teaching, I really needed that curfew. Now, I've learned efficiency strategies for work, so I'm often home at a reasonable hour.

Also, I cook dinner Tuesdays and Saturdays, do the grocery shopping once a month, and TRY to keep Sundays free to just hang with my fam. :)

3. Schedule in time for friends

Since my local friends are kind of all over the place (some from church, some from high school, some from college, some from work), I did something I've been wanting to do for at least a year-- I started a book club! Right now it's just me and a couple of friends, meeting at a local bakery once a week, reading a book a month, and enjoying each other's company...but I love it! Through this group, we're even planning a community service project that was inspired by one of the books we read. 

Plus, it gets me dressed and out of the house early on Saturday morning, and -- seriously, NOTHING up til now has been able to do that! 

So there you have it! Those are a few things I have set in place for myself this year in an effort to live a life of relationship and service, instead of a life of self. 

Before I go, I'd like to leave you with a thought that has kept me joyful when I'm forcing myself to drive to yet ANOTHER church event when I'd rather just go home: THIS is life. This is the adventure of living with Jesus! I'm walking where He walked, following His lead, so it's BOUND to be some ride! 

God bless you, ladies!

Linking up with Morgan

Funny Friday

FINALLY, I have something funny to share!

You know, I could never commit to a Funny Friday post every Friday, like my friend Bek over there. Either my life is not that funny, or I just don't remember the funny moments.

However, the other day, Oliver gave us all a chuckle, so I hereby present you with my first Funny Friday post.

The fam was all packed together in my parents' car. We were on our way to my cousin's wedding last weekend, just chatting it up.

Oliver's at the age where he doesn't really understand all our conversations, but he likes to be a part of the conversation, anyway.

Somehow, the topic of conversation turned to my budget.

"What do you even budget your money on, Dahlia?"

"Well, $125 for gas, $100 for groceries, around $20 for toiletries --"

"Toiletries!" burst in Oliver. 

"There's no such thing! 

You can't just plant a toilet and watch it grow and --"

And here is where we all burst into laughter.

Yes, Oliver. Toilet trees indeed.

And that's my Funny Friday for ya.

Saturday wedding and Sunday social

I had a marvelous weekend! 

My cousin Brandon got married on Saturday.

It was the cutest, simplest country wedding.

Sunday, I drove about 2 hours to my sister's church to see these guys:

[I stole this pic from the MC facebook page]

The Master's Commission presented their production of The Gospel. 

It was an inspiring production that I won't soon forget and that I wouldn't mind seeing again. 

And maybe again.

It's one of those things you can see many times, but get something fresh from it every time.

That's how any presentation of the Word is.

But I mostly went to see this girl, my youngest host-sister from when I was in the Master's Commission:

[Also from MC fb]

After church, Ivory and I attended a barbecue hosted by the church, for the MC, swung by a friend's graduation party, and got my hair cut. [I love that my sister is my hairdresser. She does a great job, and it often gives me an excuse to visit her.]

All in all, an active, inspirational weekend full of familiar faces and many new ones.

Thank you, Lord, for friendly faces, and friendly hearts.

Fantastic Friday

I greet my students every day with what we call "The Morning Message." It usually begins with

Good Morning, Class,

and usually ends with,

Love,
Ms. Avila

and in between I inform the kids what we'll be doing today, complete with transition words and usually at least one instance of alliteration.

Have a merry Monday...terrific Tuesday...wonderful Wednesday...thankful Thursday...fantastic Friday...

You get the idea.

All that to explain the title of this post.

And now perhaps a little more illumination on today's events will help further explain why today was fantastic.

1. It was my first day as an auntie.

PC: My mom, ntbka (now to be known as) "Grandma"

Little Brynn Loree Avila was born last night, weighing in at 8 pounds, 0 ounces. She got to be my first experience holding a newborn. My brother Armando got to show me how.

The only down-side to her birth is that my sister-in-law Lisa is still recovering from her C-section delivery. :( Not fun.

----------

2. This is funny.

Earlier today, my mom was searching for my little brother, Oliver. She searches in the house, in the yard, in the driveway...where could he be?

You know where she found him? Curled up, asleep, with Pepsi (our dog)... in the doghouse!

I wish I had a picture of this. It gives a whole new meaning to the saying "in the doghouse."

For another funny anecdote, be sure to read Bek's latest Funny Friday.

----------

3. You know how, when someone's gone, people all of a sudden start saying nice things about them?

Like, "She was always so nice."
Or, "He always found a way to make me laugh."

Well, now that my one-year teaching contract is almost up, I kind of feel like that person who is gone...or leaving.

People I've known and related with all year are beginning to say,
"Oh, you've done such a great job."
"We hope we can keep you."

And it's really encouraging! But - who am I kidding? I really have had a wealth of support and encouragement this entire school year, from friends, family, and colleagues -- even parents of my students, and the students themselves...

This lovely daffodil graced my desk a couple of weeks ago. I asked around to identify the gifter, but I found out zilch. So I just enjoyed it. [I've discovered I love receiving flowers.]

...which is one of the reasons I love the school I am at...and one of the reasons I am so grateful to God for His goodness...and one of the reasons I have, as of today, applied for a continuing position at this school!

What next year will bring, only God knows. He clearly opened the doors for me to be where I am right now, and I know He'll be faithful to continue guiding me according to His will.

Lead on, Lord.

And that was my fantastic Friday.

Timeline thoughts

I created a timeline of my life this morning. (Do you spend time doing stuff like that?)

It wasn't an extensive timeline, just major events since 2007.

And, I just want to say that it's amazing how quickly time passes. I think I'll be saying this more and more as I get older, but, at 23, I already feel, as my friend Bek put it last night, that I need to shave my long, gray beard.

It's been 1/2 a year already since I graduated my teaching program and was hired on as a teacher...

June, 2012

2 1/2 years since I graduated community college with my AA...

[Okay, this photo is actually from my birthday party that year. It's as close as I could get to the time of my graduation] June, 2010

4 1/2 years since I graduated Master's Commission...

August, 2008

and 5 1/2 whopping years since I graduated high school.

June, 2007

I feel ready for a high-school reunion already! So much has changed since then.

Why does it seem, the older we get, the faster time seems to go, I want to know?

What do you think?

As I look back, however, I also think - wow! God has been at work in my family all these years!

According to his will, we have gained two brothers:

Oliver, through adoption...

Christmas 2008

And Jared, through marriage.

December, 2011

We are also expecting a new addition to the family - my brother & sister-in-law's little Brynn Loree [pictures pending].

I'm not sure why I'm sharing all this, except to say that - wow! God works in mysterious ways to bring about His will! I won't go into all the details of how He's done that in my family, but I'm sure you see it in yours, too. He has brought about people, events, transitions, even tragedies, and it's all a part of His grand design.

What's next, Lord?