No place I would rather be

If I've done my math right, it's been over 3 weeks since my last post.

There's something about having a lot of work to do that makes me feel guilty for spending some of my time blogging.

But, since today has been one of those unproductive days -- you know, when you have a to-do list but accomplish nothing on it -- somehow I can justify doing yet something else that's not on my to-do list. Like blogging. Because it's relaxing. And a time to reflect. And because I think you'll enjoy reading about God's workings in my life during this past 3-week rollercoaster ride.

First, I have been OBSERVED 3 times [once each week] by my supervisor from the university, whom I know well and trust [he is also my academic adviser]. Each time, he has offered some valuable insight, like,

You said "Does that make sense?" 16 times in 45 minutes!

and

That kid had his hand raised and you totally ignored him!

and

You need to wipe that smile off your face when you're asking for the kids' attention!

Thanks to this constructive feedback, I rarely ask the kids "Does that make sense?" anymore. I am more aware of and try to acknowledge every student's raised hand. And I practiced my firm, "I mean business!" look when asking for the kids' attention, instead of saying it with a smile. Surprisingly, it worked! 

Probably may favorite part of my supervisor's observations, however, is his encouragement. He never fails to find some details of my lesson to praise. If it wasn't for his bits of encouragement, I may be convinced at this point that I STINK at teaching.

Second, I noticed that kids really do say the darndest things. After a few times of laughing hysterically over one of the kids' remarks, then forgetting what they had said by the following day, I started trying to write this stuff down. I figure that one day I'll be grateful I did. 

I'd like to share a couple of these gems with you, if you don't mind.

During their read-to-self, time, "Tina," who is generally a reluctant reader, but who recently watched "Hunger Games" and got the book, approaches Mr. P, holding the book:

Mr. P, this is the AWESOMMEST book EVER!

It's just SO AWESOME!

Mr. P. looked up at me over Tina's head, and we exchanged amused smiles.

Then, later, while assigning herself points for the period:

45 points for reading the awesommest book in the WORLD!

This second one happened during our "Friday meeting," a time at the end of the day on Friday for kids to share their plans for the weekend. Here is one exchange from that time:

Girl in the class: I'm having a friend sleep over at my house. Questions or comments?

Boy in the class: Are you going to do GIRL stuff?

Girl: DUH! Pajama fashion show!

Third, I finally found a way to incorporate THIS [see the photograph above] into a lesson about the Oregon Trail. 

What is it, you may ask?

It's a wagon wheel hub, brought in to class by one of my kids, "Bryan." It has occupied a corner in the classroom, behind Mr. P's desk, for the past month or so, until Thursday this past week, when I used it as a hook for the topic of accidents along the Oregon Trail. And Bryan finally got to get up in front of the class and share about his wagon wheel hub.

It ended up being a cool visual aid for the kids. Who would have thought? 

 So, in short, God has been using EVERYTHING and EVERYONE - observations, my supervisor, Mr. P., the kids, successes, failures, and even wagon wheel hubs - to teach me to teach. 

It's such a humbling process. I cry nearly every day. There are times I feel like running away and never coming back. 

And yet, there are enough of the other times -- when I feel in my element, when I see the great need before me and am filled with compassion, and when the "lightbulb" goes on in a kid's mind, which so many teachers say they live for -- that I don't entirely lose heart. In these times, I remember why God has me here, and I think, "There's no place I would rather be."

Confessions

I once came upon a blog titled "The Confessions of a First-Year Teacher."

I found the title so appropriate. This is so humbling a job [as is, I assume, any job] that most of the talk related to it is comprised of confessions.

For example, "I confess, I had no idea what I was doing, but I pretended like I did in front of the kids."

Or, "I confess, I felt like teaching that child a lesson the old-fashioned way!"

Or, here's one I actually thought today:"I confess, my favorite part of the day is reading to the kids, because I don't have to plan anything for it!"

We can say that the unofficial title of this blog is now, "The Confessions of a Student Teacher."

So, I might as well start confessing.

Confession #1: I cried at school this week.
[I'll stop the attitude-infused tone of voice I've been using for this post now, because this is a good story that I want to tell from an unmasked heart.]

So, I started teaching the Oregon Trail this week, among a couple of other things.

Wednesday, I ended the day with a half-hour lesson on pioneers. Try as I might, I could NOT arouse interest in the students; and they were NOT getting what I wanted them to get.

The hard part is this: it wasn't their fault. It was totally mine.

I barely managed not to cry until the kids and my cooperating teacher had left and I was in my car. Then, the tears just burst out. I felt like a failure.

That night, I worked and re-worked the following day's lesson, determined to overcome my failure and redeem the moment. I stayed up late ensuring that I had a well-planned lesson. By the time midnight rolled around, I felt excited to teach it, and I called it a night.

Fast-forward to the next morning: due to the late night, I woke up late and rushed out of the house. I no longer felt the same excitement I had felt the night before. I just felt crummy. I hadn't had breakfast. I hadn't packed a lunch. I hadn't had time with the Lord. And I felt like crying!

"No!" I told myself in the car. "Don't cry!" How could I show up to the school with a splotchy red face? Somehow, I didn't cry. But I did pray. I acknowledged my weakness and inability and asked God for His strength, His grace, His joy.

Once at the school, I mustered a smile to greet my cooperating teacher with but then escaped the classroom as soon as I could. I was still ashamed of my performance the day before. I just didn't want to talk to him about it.

So I headed over to the neighbor teacher's classroom. I often do this. She is a kind woman who has welcomed me and dropped by several times just to share some Oregon Trail resources with me.

"Are you having fun?" She asked me.

"Yeah." I said.

I must have sounded unconvincing, because she just smiled and kept looking at me.

"Well," I said, "it's both/and."

Oh, boy, why did I have to say that? I already felt the tears welling up.

But she nodded, expressed her understanding, then proceeded to give me just the words of encouragement I didn't know I needed.

"You know, you really are a great teacher candidate. You are! I've seen you. You're steady and consistent, and the kids just love you, and...what's going on, honey?"

Against my will, the tears had come.

She just hugged me, gave me a tissue, talked teacher-stuff until the tears stopped, and sent me on my way with more resources for the Oregon Trail.

Bless her heart! God used her to give me just the encouragement I needed.

The rest of the day, I saw God's strength, God's grace, and God's joy at work in me.

I was able to talk about the failure lesson with my cooperating teacher, and he offered some valuable advice. We also had a good conversation about the importance of relationships to the teacher-student equation.

My lesson for the day didn't go perfectly, but it was much better.

And, this time, I ended the day laughing.

Praise God! He is faithful to pull us through. He will never give us more than we can bear. His joy is our strength.

Confession #2: As hard as it is, I'm loving this.
Enjoy some photos from this week's activities.

This day

This day in history, Jesus was at the eve of His death.

[source]

How did He go on, knowing what awaited Him?

For the joy that was set before Him,

He endured the cross,

despising its shame.

[Hebrews 12:2]

[source]

Father, how small is my plight in comparison to Jesus'!

Help me lay my life down,

for the joy set before me,

for the joy of unhindered communion with You.

Let's dine together.

Happy Maundy Thursday, readers!

It's the day of the last supper,

[source]

and the love commandment:

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; 

even as I have loved you, you also ought to love one another. 

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, 

if you have love for one another.

[John 13:34-35]

I survived the first week

One week of student teaching.

One week of setting my alarm for 4:45 AM. [Takes me back to Master's Commission mornings!]

One week of awkward, I'm-not-sure-what-to-do moments, mixed with I-AM-SO-IN-LOVE-WITH-THIS moments.

I think you can all relate. Student teaching is like on-the-job training status. It's a vulnerable position to be in, because, while everyone understands that you're "learning," you know that your job [or future job, in this case] is on the line.

In other words, minor mistakes are acceptable, but your overall character and work ethic need to be impeccable.

Phew!

In the midst of all of this, there are 20 cute, 9-or-10-year-old kids going through life, with me, every day. Oh, GOD, what a responsibility! And what a privilege.

Anyway, I'll stop gabbing, and I'll let the pictures speak for themselves [with the help of captions!]

Flowers from little Alexis. The big one was just a thin green bud when she gave it to me on Monday. Then, what you see in the picture is the surprise I got when I walked into the classroom Wednesday morning. It had bloomed overnight!

After days 1 and 2 of throbbing feet, I realized that my current shoe collection is not going to cut it. So, I visited our local Famous Footwear, did some research on comfortable teacher shoes [believe it or not, there are actually sites and forums all about "teacher shoes" - haha] and splurged on the brown Clarks shoes above, and what I call my Dr. Scholl's "Friday shoes" below [because we get to dress casually on Fridays!]:

This is what the kids are working on in math. Does it take you back? I got to provide some intervention for a couple of kids who were struggling with this.

And this [the Oregon Trail, if it's not evident from the photo] is what the kids supposedly don't know ANYTHING about yet, that I will get to teach them after Spring Break! But, before I can teach them, I need to brush up on the history myself. Praise the Lord for informational kids' books, which I believe were made for the teachers just as much as for the students!

Thank you for letting me share with you a little about my first week as a student teacher.
Stay tuned for more, and happy Spring! :)

Meet Bek

As I promised, here is the post where you get to meet Bek, my friend and first guest blogger!


But, before you hear from her, perhaps you'd like to know a little about her.


Bek is as faithful as faithful gets. We've been friends since 2007, when we joined a church internship, and I lived with her family for a year! 

Bek, Jessie, and Me in Prosper, TX

Together, we have traveled far and wide, including a l-o-o-o-ng flight from Michigan and an even longer train ride to North Dakota. 

Bek & I at Biggby Coffee in Lansing, MI

Throughout our friendship, she has generally been the intiator, be it through a text, phone call, email, blog comment, or letter [yes, I mean snail mail! I once told her I loved getting things in the mail, and she hasn't forgotten. Did I mention she's also thoughtful?]

Bek and I will both graduate college this year, she in business administration, and I in elementary education. Yep. That about sums up our differences. Haha. But, really, Bek has an administrative gifting (which is one reason I like to travel with her! Hehe.)

Me, Bek, & a friend in Leavenworth, WA

Well, that's enough blah, blah on my part. You can hear from her at her blog, and please meet her below!



[The following are questions both Bek & I composed. The answers are all hers. If you want to see how I answered the same questions, hop on over to Bek's blog.]


1. Why should anyone read this blog post?
Because if you're reading my blog, you obviously have nothing better to do! Haha! Actually, it's because it's something new and different...for us, at least. And because we're cool people, and eventually we'll get to something deep and moving and powerful. And we're fun! :)



2. Why blog?
I blog because there are so many thoughts swirling around in my head and I feel the need to share them with someone, even if it's my computer. That's how it started, and now I blog because there is a community out there that lots of people don't know about. I think I spend more time reading other blogs than I spend writing my own!



3. What's an issue you are passionate about?
Um, how deep do you want to go? I'm passionate about seeing abortion ended in my lifetime, and seeing human trafficking ending, which mean that daughters will be restored. I'm passionate about women finding their true identity in Father's love, and about us ladies living beautifully as beloved daughters. I'm passionate about children being raised to love and fear the Lord.     See, told you that we'd go deep!



4. What is your favorite thing about keeping a blog?
Ah, my favorite part of keeping a blog is reading other people's! Ha! Ok, here's the other answer: I love being able to articulate my thoughts on various issues or topics, as well as keep my family and friends back home posted on what's going on in this crazy life.



5. What could we use less of in the world?
Stupid drivers, taxes, dust (as in, dust bunnies that are trying to take over my floor), arguments over petty things, and of course, homework!



6. What are (were) some of your New Year's Resolutions? 
My main resolution was to blog more, because I think it is one that automatically holds me accountable; if I don't blog, all my readers know it! I think with that was the resolution to be more connected with my family and friends at home while still enjoying relationships here at school.



7. What do you see that is right and good in the world?
I see communities of strangers being formed around this lovely form of communication--blogging! I see children loving their parents and parents loving their children. I see people becoming more aware of the bad things in this world and then doing something about it!



8. In your almost-4-years of college, what has been the best thing and the most challenging thing?
The best thing has been the friendships, hands down. The most challenging thing has been probably to do everything with excellence and unto the Lord, because sometimes at midnight, I really don't care about this stupid paper anymore! But that paper is a part of how I represent the Lord, so I should do it with excellence (and before midnight!).



9. What is your dream [but totally feasible and foreseeable] vacation?
Um, a trip to Prince Edward Island with Dahlia!!!! :D

I'm actually dreaming and planning a trip to Europe with my sisters, probably when the youngest one finishes college (5 years- can totally do that!). I'm hoping that we can just take a month-ish and visit a bunch of different places.



10. What are some of your nicknames? [if you're feeling free enough to share, haha]
Haha, dare I say? Bek, obviously; sometimes Beks. Bekah is pretty standard. Reb or Rebbie, and some of my high school classmates call me Reb Deb or Deborah (one of our teachers asked if he could call me that, because I reminded him of Deborah in the OT, so yeah. Who's gonna argue with that!?). I have another nickname, but that is a private family nickname and is NOT going into cyber-space.

Coming to a blog near you...

Readers, do I have a treat for you!

This is my friend Bek.

Note: Bek had just had a manicure in this photo. She doesn't usually pose for pictures with her hands sprawled in front of her.

On Monday, you will have the opportunity to enjoy a guest post from none other than Bek herself. This is something that has been in the works for a couple of weeks now. In turn, I will be a guest blogger on [her blog.]

So stay tuned, check back, you won't want to miss it!

In the meantime, do check out her blog. She's hilarious.

Spicing up your soup

No, the title of this post is not metaphorical in any way. 

I really am going to tell you how to spice up your soup!

[Never mind that this has nothing to do with the expressed purpose of this blog.] 

Why? 

Well, a few months ago, right in the midst of soup season [and zucchini season], I made a soup.

As awesome as it smelled, it looked....well... bland. 

I think you will agree.

Someone once told me [Ross Baker, if you happen to know him] that food is prepared for all the five senses.

[Never mind that he told me that because I was making fun of his restaurant-style-looking lunch tray.]

If that is true, then this soup was lacking.

So, an idea occurred to me.

[Never mind that I probably got the idea from watching my mom cook.]

The idea began with one New Mexico chili pod.

I broke off its top, shook out its seeds, and set it to soak in hot water, just for a minute or two.

Enter Mr. Blender.

[Just the chili pod with some of the water it soaked in, and I don't remember if I also added some chicken bouillon (or salt) and garlic]

Now, the next step I did not carry out with integrity.

Ideally, you want to strain the chili juice, so you don't get tidbits of chili skin stuck in your teeth, BUT I must not have been feeling inspired that day, hence the tidbits of chili skin evident in the finished product.

BUT, wouldn't you agree that this looks much more pleasing to the sense of sight than it did before?

Bravo, my friend the chili pod!

Here's to making food that looks as good as it tastes!

I dare you to spice up your soup!

Goodbyes

 This is my cohort.

For the past two years, we have sat together, almost always in the same classroom, almost always in the same spots. [My classmate talks about this in her blog, too. You can visit her blog here.]

Each table group kind of developed their own identity. The group pictured above could be classified as the work smarter, not harder group. They were always splitting up their assignments into four parts, each taking a part; combining the science lesson plan with the art lesson plan to kill two birds with one stone; you get the idea. They are amazing. I want to be like them when I grow up. Hehe.

We also taught together, a LOT.

Jeseela and I [pictured above] were partners for nearly everything. Partners in crime, that is. Hence the policeman smiling before he escorts us out of the building. Hehe.

Here we are again, just the two of us at our table group. Front and center. I'm not sure what our identity was. Maybe the no talking group. Not that we didn't talk, but it's pretty difficult to hold a sidebar conversation during class when you're only a few feet away from the instructor. Get my gist?

One of my favorite things to do with the cohort was celebrating birthdays!

All this to say,

We are done.

Finished.

Gone!

From now on, it's goodbye college, hello real-world application! We had our final class time together last Thursday, and, this upcoming quarter we'll all be student teaching in various schools and classrooms in the surrounding area. There are a lot of emotions wrapped up in this event. I'm SO excited to student teach, and just as excited to graduate in June! But -- gosh, am I nervous? YES! And then, of course, there are the goodbyes to my classmates, and all the nostalgia that comes along with it.

I guess it's all a part of growing up,

moving on,

as a cowork and I discussed on our last day of work earlier this year,

it's bigger and better things for us.

And how true that is. "Hello" implies there will be a "goodbye," and "goodbye," implies there will be another "hello." If we hate goodbyes, we're hating a large chunk of our lives! This is not to mention that we're hating the "hello" God has positioned on the other side of the "goodbye."

And so one chapter of Dahlia's life draws to a close.

It's goodbye, student.

Hello, teacher.

Hello, destiny!

Here we go, God!

The road to liberation: An abbreviated life story [kind of] and call to become who I am [more like it]

Last night, I spent some time looking through old yearbooks, upon hearing of the death of an old classmate's mom. The death was a tragic one, but that's not the focus of this post. You can read about it here.

After looking through my yearbooks, I can't describe what I felt -- it was maybe an awareness of me and how I've grown, and how much a part of my parents I am. I mean, they have helped determine who I am today, or maybe how I am today.

And I saw my imperfections at every stage.

In elementary school, I was open and free, but I was also annoying and selfish.

In middle school, I was learning to check the annoying and selfish behavior, which led to insecurity in who I was and what I had to offer to friendships.

In high school, I was still insecure, trying to mute myself so I could somewhat blend in, so that people like Rae [a friend from the "in" crowd] still liked me and didn't think I was "weird" or "nerdy."

[Rae and I. Notice I'm wearing the same sweater I was wearing three years earlier, in the previous pic. Ha!]

But, I didn't have the confidence to hang out with people of her social status too much, so I stayed with the friends I had always had, because we kept each other afloat.

I wanted to come across as pleasant and cool, but smart.

But, what about my passion?

What about my joy?

I didn't have those to as great a degree as I do now, but they were there nonetheless, muted by insecurity.

[I sure loved that jacket.]

And then God did something wonderful.

He freed me!

I don't even quite know how or when it happened -- over time, and largely during Master's Commission.

It was through a combination of worship, prayer, scripture, relationships with real people, a relationship with a real God, and prophetic words about the beauty God placed in me that I was able to shed the insecurity, let down my hair [literally!], and love God passionately!

[I'm second from the right in this pic.]

I still notice insecurity in me in certain situations, along with annoying and selfish behavior.

But, while before that characterized me, now it doesn't. Praise God!

And so this inevitably gets me to think about the here and now.

Who am I,

when I lash out in defense of an accusation or confrontation by my parents?

when I clam up and get nervous around Mr. P and his class?

when I see that my mom needs help making lunch but I justify not helping her because I have too much to do?

or when I am overwhelmed by an emotion, so I mask it with silly, annoying antics?

When I do these things, I am still who God made me, but I'm not walking in my identity.

It's a struggle between who I am and who I'm living as.

So, I've taken time away from homework [and sleep] to do this, but I think it was necessary.

I need to remember that God has freed me!

I need to remember who He is, and who I am.

Let's do this thing.

The beginning of the end

Tomorrow I take my final Educator Skills Test.

This one is on bilingual education.

110 questions.

2 1/2 hours.

$130.

God-willing, I will pass this test and be done with Educator Skills Tests FOREVER :)

If you haven't heard this yet,

have a listen:

Cuan grande es Dios!

The amazing thing about this song is that it was not recorded in one studio.
Every different language we hear was recorded separately, then meshed together to form this song.
Chris Tomlin speaks about the song here.

OH MY GOLLY GOSH GOSH!

It regards student teaching.

STUDENT TEACHER

noun

a student who is studying to be a teacher and who, 

as part of the training, observes classroom instruction 

or does closely supervised teaching 

in an elementary or secondary school.

It actually regards the long-withheld-but-recently-disclosed identity of my cooperating teacher.

COOPERATING TEACHER

noun

a classroom teacher who volunteers to host a student teacher, 

thereby giving up the task of teaching his/her class to the student teacher 

and serving as the student teacher's primary mentor.

Today, I was informed that my cooperating teacher will be...

Mr. P! 

MR. P.

proper noun, abbreviation

my former cooperating teacher for my 3-week field experience 
at the start of the school year!

Remember his class? They are the ones who sent me these:

I am SO excited!

Watch out, world! This woman is about to become a student teacher!

A new love

Is there something new you are learning?

Something, perhaps, you thought would NEVER be your thing?

But now it is?

Haha.

This is my roundabout way of introducing a new love:

Art.

Now, don't expect me to start wearing one of those silly hats or anything.

I'm taking an Art class this quarter -- or, rather, "Art in the Classroom," and -- I swear! -- it's like being back in elementary school art class! SO fun!

We meet once a week. Our instructor focuses on a different medium each week, guiding us through the creation of a piece of art through that medium, step by step. Then, our homework is to create 2 sketches throughout the week, implementing something we learned in class.

As I go through this class, re-discovering the joy of art along with the rest of my classmates, I can't help but remember two or three prophetic words I have received in the past: that God is releasing over me creativity, particularly in the arts. 

The only thing is, I've never considered myself to be artsy.

Little by little, though, first with writing, then with music, and now with art, it seems God is showing me that He wants to break off the limitations I've set on myself.

It truly is exciting to be in the middle of this -- of God awakening something in me!

And, the cool thing is, for Valentine's Day, a group of us volunteered to host a childcare event at church.

Guess what my station is? Yep. Watercolors!

I'm excited to share with these kids my new found love for art.

Hello, 2012!

I've had some time to re-evaluate why I blog.

For one, I don't want to do something that has no point. Do any of us?

I haven't heard God tell me to lay this down. So I've re-evaluated, and re-membered. This blog's purpose (right now) is to document my road to teaching. Of course, other things come up along the way that may seem unrelated (even to me) but that I will still post...because, after all, our lives are not like department stores, with a section for "School," a section for "Church," and a section for "Family." They all overlap, and they all affect all the rest.

So, with this renewed perspective, I hope you truly glean something from this blog, whenever it is that you happen upon it. I'll do my best to keep it separate from my journal, and to share things that are worth sharing.

Thanks for reading, and hello 2012!

Taking a breather

Beginning January 1, 2012, I decided to sign off of blogger [and everything online-but-not-work-or-school-related] for the remainder of the month.

See you in February!